


Back To When We Fell In Love

by fuckinsebastian



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Smut, please read it jeez, well a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 16:49:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/902603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckinsebastian/pseuds/fuckinsebastian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where did we go wrong? What did I do that was so wrong? We used to be in love and now he won’t even talk to me. I need him like air, but it’s like he’s holding me just under the surface of the ocean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back To When We Fell In Love

Where did we go wrong? What did I do that was so wrong? We used to be in love and now he won’t even talk to me. I need him like air, but it’s like he’s holding me just under the surface of the ocean.

He was like this after Darden’s death, but I didn’t love him then like I do now. It didn’t bother me. Now I miss him so much that every time I see him, I want to break out in tears because I know that we’ll never had what we used to. Maybe if he gave me a good explanation, told me why he was acting as he is, I wouldn’t be as messed up. But he didn’t. He up and left, just like that.

Sure, we didn’t start out like a normal relationship, but he seemed fine with it. He sure made it seem like it was what he wanted.

_The loud knocking woke me up._

_“Casey!” I could hear him screaming as he pounded on the door. “Casey, wake up!”_

_“Severide, what do you want?” I asked, my annoyed voice rough from just waking up. “It’s nearly three.”_

_“Can I crash here?”_

_“Only if you tell me why you’re here at three in the morning.”_

_“Shay and I had a fight. She kicked me out.”_

_“You stayed up this late fighting?”_

_“No, she kicked me out at ten-ish. I thought I’d be fine sleeping in my car. But, as pretty as she is, I couldn’t sleep for shit.”_

_I just laughed and let him in. He dropped his bag on the couch and curled up around a pillow._

_I grabbed a couple blankets and another pillow and dropped them next to him._

_“Thanks Case’.”_

_"Anytime,” I said, but he was already sleeping._

Eventually, one night turned to every night and the couch he slept on turned into a bed in my office and his bag turned into half my dresser.

I don’t think either of us saw it coming. I don’t think either of us was ready when it happened. I still can’t believe that I told him I liked him. I still can’t believe that _the_ Kelly Severide, Chicago FD’s most popular womanizer, actually liked me too.

_It was a tough day, to say the least._

_It was a house fire, the usual, and not too hard. Chief told Squad to scope the house and Truck to vent. Cruz and Mills went up to vent and Hermann and I helped Squad, as they were a couple men short. Severide and Capp went upstairs and Hermann and I took the main floor. Squad found a girl so Severide carried her out and Capp stayed to look for others. The fire wasn’t too dangerous yet so there was no worry. But the fire was trapped in the ceiling and it collapsed on Capp. It was a close call; still he turned up fine, just bruising and a sprained ankle. Yet, Severide took all the blame. He beat himself up about it throughout the rest of shift and when we got home._

_“Kelly,” I called, trying to calm him down._

_"What?” he snapped._

_"Chill out. You know it’s not your fault. I would’ve done the same.”_

_"And you would hate yourself too!”_

_"Maybe, at first, but I would remember that it was the right thing to do and move on.”_

_"I know – but I didn’t – I never met for – I just wanted,” he stuttered and then faltered and landed on the couch. I sit next to him and hold him close, knowing he just needed to cry a little._

_“Hey, hey ,hey. It’s okay. Capp is fine. You made the right call. You’re a great Lieutenant and I-think-I-like-you,” I said, quickly mumbling the last part._

_He turned his head to look at me. “What?”_

_“A lot,” I confirmed, trying to not look into his eyes too long._

_He smiled and turned my head towards his. He looked into my eyes for any sign that would make him think I was lying. “Thank God.”_

_Then he smashed his lips into mine. I found myself smiling much too happily into the kiss._

_He pulled away for a spilt second to breathe and pull me into my bedroom._

One time lead to another. And another five more times. And his bed was forgotten. And then we made it an official relationship. And suddenly he had nothing at Shay’s anymore.

We had a bet on how long it would take for Chief, Truck, and Squad to find out. I had a hundred dollars on Chief finding out in a month. He said two weeks. He tried his hardest to make sure he was right.

I kind of hated him for it, but at the same time, I couldn’t ask him to stop.

_"Casey, can I – uhh – see you for a minute?” Severide asked in front of all the truck._

_I looked around, knowing Mouch would still be watching TV, Cruz and Otis would be bickering and they’d be using Hermann as a ref. But Mills would be listening. “Sure.”_

_He led us to his private room and closed the blinds. I stared at him expectantly. He smirked and pushed me against the wall. I groaned as my head hit the wall. He slammed his lips into mine with urgency. My hands went under his shirt, and then traveled up and down and all over his back. His went from the top of my shirt to the bottom, and repeat._

_He took his lips off mine and moved on to my neck. I moaned a few times, but I tried my best to keep it down. His hands started working on my belt, undoing the buckle quickly. He dropped my pants and boxers, and quickly fell to his knees. He wrapped his mouth around my hard on and I began to lose it. I moaned loud enough for anyone in any of the rooms next to us to hear as he took me in faster._

_“Shit, Kel’. Faster. Oh god,” I screamed as I quickly came. He smirked up at me, taking full pleasure of making me his bitch._

_Then someone was knocking on the door. “Severide? Chief wants to see you. And Casey. Do you know where he is?” the fill-in receptionist asked nicely._

_Kelly laughed. “No I haven’t seen him, but I’ll find him.”_

_"Okay, thank you.”_

_“We are in deep shit,” I mumbled._

_It only took 4 days._

It was worth it though. We didn’t have to have the awkward conversation where we had to tell Boden. Squad and Truck found out the same day – five weeks – those little gossiping bastards.

Severide and I didn’t always agree. In fact, if we weren’t dating, you’d think we were enemies, we’re that different. But we both knew one thing. I love him and he loves me.

I was hurt, dealing with some intense pain when he told me. If the tables were turned, he’d call me a sap then kiss me. But I wouldn’t mind because I love him.

Yet, he was the brave one that said anything he was thinking. I knew I loved him and he loved me way before he said it.

_“Alright, Matty, let’s get you to bed,” Kelly said, helping me up the stairs. The hospital gave me a strong shot of something and it made me loopy._

_“Alrighty Lieutenant Kelly. Let us get me to bed,” I giggled. “You know Kelly is a girl’s name.”_

_"Trust me, I know.”_

_“I’m sorry. I like your name. It’s cute,” I said, kissing his cheek. “You know what else is cute. A puppy. But the landlord won’t let me get one. Even after I explained that I really wanted one. He just was like ‘no you can’t have a dog here,’ and I was like ‘but please?’ and he still said no! I did puppy eyes! ”_

_“Well he’s a bitch.”_

_I gasped. “You swore.”_

_“Yeah, yeah. Don’t tell mom.”_

_He laid me in my bed and pulled the sheets over us._

_"You know, the doctor said the medicine will wear off in about thirty minutes.”_

_“Yes, she did.”_

_“You know what we could do for thirty minutes…”_

_He grinned but shook his head. “No, you should sleep.”_

_“Look, until I’m all healed, I’m just going to be in pain. I’d rather have silly, pain-free sex than no sex.”_

_He smirked and climbed on top of me, going straight for the one spot on my neck. I groaned instantly._

_Knowing of the time-crunch, he made quick work of our shirts and pants, leaving me rubbing myself against his leg. He smirked, kissing his way down my body to my boxers. He pulled them down and grabbed my dick, making me moan. He took me in his mouth swiftly and continued bobbing his head until I almost hit my breaking point._

_He grabbed the lube, although it was unnecessary considering we’ve fucked enough and the painkillers were pretty intense. He covered himself with it and put the extra on my hole. He lined himself up with me and hastily pounded into me. He usually starts slowly, trying to make it last, but not this time. He slid in and out of me as fast as he could until I came. He came in me within seconds and laid on top of me, breathless._

_It only took ten seconds after the rush to fade for pain to kick in. I winced and moved into a more comfortable position._

_Kelly kissed the top of my head and smiled in a sad sort of way. “I’ll be right back.”_

_He came back with painkillers the doctors gave and some water. I took them without hesitation._

_“How ‘bout that sleep,” he joked. I glared at him jokingly. He carefully slid under the covers and wrapped his arms around me. I cuddled closer to him, as if being half an inch closer to him was going to help. He softly played with my hair and I could feel the sleep coming._

_“Matt?” he whispered._

_"Yeah?”_

_“I love you.”_

_I looked up at him, staring into his eyes. “I love you, too.”_

I don’t think our time together could’ve been more perfect. We fought, we kissed, we had sex. Rinse, repeat.

I know that Severide is used to being right. And I know we had plenty of fights over it. But I also know that I’m the annoying person who _will_ hold you to your word. I thought the fights we had were healthy steps in a relationship.

Our first and last fights were stupid. Pointless. We could’ve resolved them. We probably could’ve avoided them completely. In the end all I wanted was to be close to him. But the difference between our first fight and our last one was that I couldn’t hold him after our last fight.

_“Just shut up, Matt!” he yelled._

_"It’s just that you said you were-” I tried to tell him that he said he was okay with me not meeting his family; but he cut me off._

_“I didn’t say shit, Casey. You didn’t let me meet you family – okay, that’s cool, I’m fine with it. But it’s like you don’t – it’s like you aren’t even trying! I thought that this – us – was serious. But I guess we aren’t on the same page then,” he ranted, finishing by grabbing the same duffel he had on the first night he stayed here and heading for the door._

_"No, Kelly! Stop!”_

_“No Matt. I’m done. I’m getting too old to waste my time on someone who doesn’t care as much as I do.”_

_“But I do. I love you, Kelly.”_

_“Do you?”_

_And with that he left._

I wouldn’t even mind meeting his family. I’d already met his dad, and his little sister would be nothing. But I was too nervous at the time.

I’d talked to Shay at the House. She said that Kelly drinks more than he used too. She said that when he came home the first night, he grabbed a six pack and cried for two hours. It broke my heart to hear it, but I knew that unless he’d let me talk to him about anything other than simple orders in the midst of a fire, he’s be that way for a while.

Not like I was any better. I’m a mess. It’s been two weeks and I’ve cried myself to sleep three times. I sleep in his shirts because they smell like him. I still make enough food for two. Even now, all I do is go back to the time when we fell in love.

I feel like the way we fell apart was too simple. I feel like we could’ve gotten around it with apologizes and make up sex. But that didn’t happen and I’m left alone.

I miss him. More than I’ve missed any other ex. Maybe because he was easier to talk to. Or because he didn’t mind all my crazy ways.  Or because he held me close and made me feel safe. No matter the reason, I loved him. I still do. And I’ve run out of reasons to not be next to him anymore.

I grab a sweatshirt and pull it over my head as run to my car. I take the quickest way to his place, going through every yellow light and ten above the speed limit. I pray that they haven’t changed the code since he gave it to me when Darden was around and we were friends.

3473\. Luckily, it lets me in. I sprint up the stairs because the elevators would take too long, as it’s only to the third floor.

I take a couple deep breaths and knock on his door three times. I stand there, quietly planning out what I’m going to say. He opens the door and groans to find out it’s just me. My heart drops to the pit of my stomach.

“What do you want?” he grumbles.

“I need to say something, but please don’t close the door,” I say, clearly rushing.

“Go on.”

“So I realized that our last fight wasn’t fucking necessary, and I was just being a fool. I should’ve listened to you and met your family. You were right. I mean, when aren’t you right? I know that now. We should’ve resolved it differently, because clearly, being apart isn’t good for either of us. Two weeks ago we were happy and together and I miss that. I miss everything. But I understand if you don’t feel the same way, I just really wanted to tell you.”

He slightly grins, in a sort of “I hate that I love you” kind of way.  He pulls me into his house by my shirt, then quickly locks his lips and mine.

“I love you, you bastard,” he whispers.

“I love you, too, you jerk.”

**Author's Note:**

> First slash fic, sorry if it's shit.


End file.
